A day at the office...
(or a list of good reasons why NOT to take your dog to work...)
I decided to go to work Saturday morning to clear the backlog of jobs before Monday. The mistake was I decided to take Homer with me, as there would be no one in the office.
The morning went something like this….
8:00am - Try to open shutter, unlock doors, de-activate alarm whilst Homer is squealing to be let out of boot of car
8:01am – Unleash 1 mad animal to bound round office in pursuit of office gremlins
8:05am – Switch on PC
8:08am – Squeal at Homer to STOP!!! As he is trying to piddle on box of A4 letter head by photocopier
8:12am – Unlock shutter, back doors and take Homer to rear of building and show him where grass is. Piddling arrangements understood now
8:20am – Return to desk
8:25am – Homer has found the doggy Xmas donation box we forgot to take to local dog home last year. He proceeds to rob red squeaky Christmas ball and half a packet of dog chews
8:30am – Doorbell rings, another co-worker arrives. Let him in and Homer flattens him. He has a playmate.
8:34am – Homer very hot after running after new human. Find bowl and get water for him
8:40am – Open up excel spreadsheet on PC
8:41am – Homer wants to play football now. Spend 10 minutes kicking ball for him. Decide he is never going to settle
8:50am – Back to car and take large quilt from boot and bring back in building
8:55am – Make Homer a bed in hope that he will settle
9:00am – Decide to make cup of tea. Have to descend metal steps to get to canteen area. Homer doesn’t like the metal steps. Carry Homer down steps. Put Homer down. Return up steps and get Homers ball that he has dropped
9:10am – Make 2 cups of tea and return to steps. Put tea down, carry large dog up steps. Go back and get tea while extending arm and grabbing hold of collar to stop him coming back down steps in 1 dive, hence breaking his newly healed leg. Push Homer through door and go back and pick up red ball
9:15am – Sit down at PC
9:18am – Homer is back in the dog donation box. Homer now has 2 identical red squeaky balls and finished rest of packet of treats.
9:30am – Homer is howling, he wants the tea dregs. Stop work and give Homer cup of tea. Homer knocks cup over
9:40am – Have just finished clearing tea off floor
9:41am – Homer howling for colleague’s tea dregs. Swap into wider cup as he can’t get his nose in it, and feed him tea. Thankfully he manages to balance the tea successfully this time
9:55am – Colleague asks if I fancy McDonald’s breakfast. Homer has given him order for 3 Big Macs, 1 bacon MacMuffin, a fillet’ of fish and a cappuccino doughnut on the side. And a thick shake if he can carry it
10:05am – Try and negotiate wheelie office chair around Homers body as cannot reach PC. Do not want to run over his tail, as he is quiet, so work on PC from 4ft away. Cannot see the screen as short-sighted, so haven’t a clue what I am doing
10:30am – Colleague returns with Ronald’s offerings. Spend 10 minutes in nice family setting of me, colleague and our fur child scoffing McDonalds. Wet feet for everyone from Homers dribble
10:45am – Go back to desk
10:50am – Pick up entire contents of rubbish bin from floor and put back into wastebasket
11:00am – Pick up entire contents of rubbish bin again and put wastebasket and McDonald’s wrappers on high desk
11:10am – Sit back at PC for 4 minutes
11:20am – Homer has found child donation box for Christmas orphans. Homer has robbed chirping bird out of donation box.
11:40am – Finish chasing Homer round office and confiscate bird
11:41am – Give him bird back, it is covered in dribble and orphan would not be impressed with it now
11:50am – Wheel up to PC quickly before he settles in front of screen
12:00am – Very worried he is quiet and cannot see him
12:10pm – Find him in v fat colleagues litter bin. Demolishing what is left of a jacket potato and chilli left in bin on Friday
12:20pm – Finish clearing up potato and 300 sweet wrappers from fat colleagues floor
12:30pm – Lock up rear of building, and collect toys. Take cups to canteen. Put bedding back in car boot. Throw Homer in car. Set alarm, haven’t a clue if it is going off or not due to Homers barking again
12:45pm – Go home.
Altogether a great success...
Take into account the time wasted photographing my motley hound, my official work progress for the day was between 0-2% complete.
I even managed to close the excel spreadsheet without having to save it, due to the fact it was in the same untouched state at 12:45pm as it was when I opened it....
And as a reward for being SUCH a good boy we went to the park when we got home
