Savaged by Mr Chang Homer Ho
Every day should start with a good breakfast...
Now that the weather has turned colder I do anything possible to stay in bed for an extra 10 minutes. This usually involves games of hide and seek under the bed covers whilst Homer attempts to rip the blankets off me.
Now this may sound a bit strange, but I often ‘chew’ on Homers neck, he has a very scrunchy fat wrinkly neck which I like to take bites out of (I told you it sounded weird). Anyway he obviously retaliates and nips me back. So he did. Thought ‘ouch’ felt his tooth then.
10 seconds later I have blood dripping down the front of my face. Urrghh. I put my hand on my head and then look at it. It resembles something off Saw II.
Struggle out of bed (5 stone of Labrador still plonked on top of me) and go into loo.
Play for time and brush teeth etc, whilst building up the courage to look in the mirror......YUKK! staring back at me is image of Carrie. I proceeded to wrap half of toilet roll round my hand and plonk it on my head to hopefully stop the bleeding. 10 minutes later I have nice congealed hair and no more bleeding. (and a lot of barking going on as Homer wants his breakfast and me washing hair is not on his list of duties before he has been fed) Wash hair and come downstairs and feed mutts
Get to park as usual and it is FREEZING (wet hair doesn’t help)
Look round desperately and see no sign of canine life, presume it is safe, so let Homer off his stretchy lead.
Now he has been limited lately on his walks, because he had problems with his back legs/hips/god knows last weekend so exercise was restricted and the inevitable metacam was being forced down his throat again. After a 4 day miraculous recovery, he has emerged twice as bouncy.
So we head of on the usual route (much like donkeys on a beach we don’t vary it much and they just know which way to go), but Homer doesn’t. Homer U-turns and tear arses off as fast as his little rotary blade legs can take him (which is pretty fast when he wants to)
I can see him standing about half a mile away up the field doing ‘something’. I shout Barley and we trek in the opposite direction to find out what my fast responsive well behaved dog is up to.
With about 20 foot to go I clock the silver container. Homer has his own take away. His wrinkly face is devouring every grain of rice that has fell into the grass. He has already polished off chicken chow mein and a side portion of mushrooms by the looks of it.
I then try and drag Mr Homer Choo away, but he’s not leaving that menu number 17 for anyone
Eventually get him on the lead and back en-route to the donkey trail.
Finish the walk 20 minutes later (by now very late for work due to hair washing incident as well)
Get to within 10 foot of car and go to load them in..... And he’s off, Mr Wing Chang Homer Phooey is cantering at 40mph back to his sushi restaurant.
Spend another 15 minutes catching up with him and dragging him away back to car. Finally manage to ease him away with silver container sticking out of both sides of floppy mouth
These dogs take the early morning hunting lark very seriously, he is obviously very proud of his kill of Chinese takeaway
Roll on tomorrow, perhaps we will have Indian on the menu??!